Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Timing #2

My poor second child. His/her treatment is already far inferior to my first and they're not even conceived.

At this point the first time around... Less than a year out from hopefully, maybe, possibly, getting pregnant, I was exercising (sorta), eating right, had quit caffeine, was getting lots of rest, and daydreaming about this child in my future.
Now? Ha. Well now I down energy drinks every weekend to survive my morning shift at work. I get anywhere between 2-5 hours of sleep every odd night, and 8 hours on the evens. I am more focused on my career than a child that's not here, and my baby fever flairs up most when I see how sweet Lil' J is with babies and think how she needs a live-in friend.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to have another child but I'm not nearly as obsessed with the timing. I mean, I know sometime between nine months from now and next June would be great but I'm also terrified of the thought of being drowsy and nauseous and sleepy while also working, and playing (with #1), and sewing, and writing and photo-taking.

Lil' J has tens of thousands of photos, and a blog documenting her existence. I don't know how I'm gonna keep that up for the next one. 

If this is any indication of how #2 will be treated the rest of their lives, I sorta worry for them. 

Before becoming a mom, I thought I'd want my kids to be between a year and a half and two years apart. Well that window flew by! Now I'm thinking between two and a half and three years because to me--the closer in age the better. Especially if we're only having one more (I'd like two more, but we'll see how lucky I get) I'd like the two we have to be close in age. But the thought of paying for childcare for two kids gives me a headache.

I wish I could press pause on Lil' J. That way she could just stay the age she is now for another year or two and then I could press play again when we're ready for her to have a sibling. My husband seems to think four years apart would be a good gap but that seems like a Grand Canyon-sized gap to me. But if the next year and a half goes by as quickly as this first one, that may very well happen.

Stupid time. Stop flying by!

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