Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Annoying Things You Hear at the End of Pregnancy

I just have to take a few moments to vent about a few sayings I keep hearing.

When you're trying to conceive the #1 comment you'll hear from people is "just relax and it'll happen." You know people mean well but it's annoying anyway. It's like no matter how many times you say you are relaxing people assume you're just not relaxing enough. I saw a slogan from a TTC veteran I love: "We relaxed, it didn't work."

Just because you vocalize your frustrations with your situation, or perhaps just thinking about it, doesn't mean you don't believe in the concept of relaxing or "letting it happen."

When I bribe or threaten my baby to come out it doesn't mean I don't believe she won't come out when she's ready... I know she will, but that doesn't mean I won't try to make her ready, or that perhaps she is ready. She has a brain, working lungs, a great heart, cute face, adorable nose... I'm sure she doesn't MIND being fashionably late for the sake of putting on a few extra pounds and lots of locks. This is my daughter we're talking about.

Another thing... This whole theory that everyone just HAS to tell me like it's hush-hush I haven't heard before. A guy at work told me today in the elevator. A dozen people told me on twitter. A few others private-messaged me the tip. It's whispered to me like it's in a book of labor inducing secrets that only the privileged get to hear. What's the big hoopla?: Sex to induce labor.

First of all, a horny man must have decided to publicize this idea because how else is he going to be getting action this late in the game other than from a woman so desperate to get the baby out?

Yea yea, prostaglandins, oxitocin, blah blah blah... Can I get some of that in pill form?

Well, I fell for it anyway, and I won't get into it cause lawd knows my grandma probably reads this blog, but let's just day we've seen more action in the last 9 days than in the entire 9 months. ... It didn't work. I'm sure the man who made this up would just tell me to "have more sex." The woman who swears it worked for her would tell me "well your baby has to be ready," and to that I say if that's the case eating a bowl of ice cream when she's finally "ready" will make her come out, why go through all that work?

Finally... People keep telling me to enjoy my sleep. I understand this advice, especially coming from a tired new mom who can't remember what it's like to get eight full hours of sleep. I know I won't be getting much sleep soon, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sleep 15 hours a night instead of my usual 9. This ain't At&T--I can't roll over my extra hours of sleep for when I have the baby, as much as I'd love to, it's not possible.

I compare it to eating at a buffet. You eat as much as you can, and are so full you just can't stand the thought of making one last plate. Even if that means skipping that chocolate cake you were eyeballing earlier. You leave satisfied, and happy about your decision to skip the dessert.

Well, the next day you skip breakfast and are starving by lunch, all you can think about is that piece of cake you passed on, and are wishing you had eaten it-- when in fact, eating it the night before may have caused you to barf.

So I PROMISE you, I am enjoying my sleep, don't you worry. But I did want this baby who will keep me up many a nights, but you know what, I hear it's worth it.

I'm SO ready to meet her. Now if only she were ready...

Winner of the Maternitique $50 gift certificate: #2 The Leonard Family. Congrats! I'll email you and you'll have 48 hours to respond!

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