Sunday, November 27, 2011

One kid? Psssh! I got this... Finding my new normal

I feel like I could stop reproducing now with my one little girl and be totally happy. But I know that's not going to happen because it doesn't quite feel complete yet.

Sometimes I'll lay on the bed or couch cuddling with my husband and daughter and think "this is perfect." Then wonder if we'll add one or two more to the mix someday. I try to imagine which feels most right but I can't decide.

This week I've felt happier than I've felt in a long time. Truly blessed. I feel like in this stage of my life I'm sincerely happier than I've ever been. I'm FINALLY getting the hang of my life as a wife, mother, career woman. Finally.

I thought I'd never get to the point where I found my place in both worlds because I thought that loving my job meant loving my daughter less. But it doesn't.

I worried going to work, and having my daughter in daycare (or "school" as I prefer to call it) would mean she wouldn't get as much love and attention as she needed. But I was wrong. In fact I could argue she gets more love an attention than I anticipated because she has that many more people who love her. Her classmates and teachers. Teachers who even bring her cute gifts and tokens after seeing our passion for fashion and creativity. Teachers she runs to, and jumps in the arms of when we get to her school. I'm not jealous of them because I know they aren't her first preference, but people she adores when mommy has to go away.
She's learning and thriving... And doing more art projects and classwork than we'd ever have time to do if I were home with her. In fact I think she'd be bored with me if we were together nonstop.

She blows me away every day with the things she's learning, and the jokes she tries to play on me... Sneaking away when I'm getting her PJs ready, or crashing into me and my camera when I'm trying to take a picture from further away. She says--Or tries to say whatever words I say to her, and she can point to pictures and identify things like bubbles, balls, cats and dogs. She even pooped in the potty this week for heaven's sakes!

And about work... I've finally carved out my niche and tailored my position to be exactly what my dream job would be. I just signed the dotted line, committing myself to another three years here, but I honestly couldn't be happier with the deal. After some back and forth chats with my boss, and some producers, I've been approved to start a new parenting segment on my news station in January. It'll replace another segment I have, and give me a chance to report on family news in Texas, things to do with your kids, and child health and wellness. Lil' J may even get a chance to make an appearance from time to time.

As far as scheduling, I still anchor on the weekends, and do stories that help foster children get adopted, and highlight nonprofits and people doing good, but switching out another health segment for parenting is right up my alley. Another cool thing? My boss supports my social media endeavors.
My dress: Eskahti (use BMM112 for $20 off your order); Lil' J's: Pettiskirt Palace
We're also planning to move next year. Not far, but more out towards suburbia, and less hood. I have an area in mind and we're looking for places now. It'll be better for my husband's job... Which in April will be taken to a whole new level. Our schedules are both a bit crazy but we're making it work.

I don't do it all perfectly but I am somehow getting the hang of balancing everything. The best part of it all is I'm finding myself all over again and managing to do the things I love. I know I'm doing it better because I'm finding time for myself again, and I'm pushing myself in my job again, more like I did before my daughter. I've been able to read books again.

I'm about to finish the Hunger Games series (really good by the way), and I'm already making a "must read" list for when I'm done with these. I never thought I'd have time to read again, but alas, I do! It's re-sparked my love for writing and I REALLY want to take a creative writing class at our local community college now. I haven't figured out how I"ll swing that one yet, but it's on my "to do before number two" list so I need to get on it. Hopefully I can use my job's tuition reimbursement for it too.

Sure, work is a little nuts, our schedules are hectic, and I'm averaging less than five hours of sleep a night, but we're making it work, and I feel better than ever.

Lil' J has been sleeping through the night for months now but I think I'm finally caught up from my lack of sleep from when she'd wake up in the middle of the night and able to stay up because I want to.

I remember my husband telling me how his grandmother would sleep like four hours a night because she had eight kids, and I thought she was crazy. But now I get it. If I'm not sleeping because someone else is keeping me up I get pissed. If I'm not sleeping because I'm getting a butt load accomplished, I'm on top of the world.
I'm SO thankful for this feeling!

Now that I finally have my life back in control I'm actually slightly terrified to start all over again and lose this balance I've found. How long will it take me to get back to this point? Will I even be able to get back to this point? I know a huge reason for my happiness is my daughter's happiness in school at her age. My husband was home with her for her first year and I'm not sure I could bear to return to work leaving a 12-week-old in the hands of someone other than his if I didn't absolutely have to. Why couldn't I have just had twins!??!!! I know it would be super hard but at least the decision on how to time my second child would  have been taken care of.

*added* When did you finally feel back to "normal" mentally after your first kid? Then what about your second? Did it take longer?*

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