Monday, September 12, 2011

Probably the worst thing I've done as a mom thus far

Rush rush rush. When you're in a hurry, everything gets immensely more frustrating. Well, I was in a hurry. My daughter and I had just come home from grocery shopping and we were about to go to her school to get more acquainted with her friends and teachers before her first drop off day. I wanted to be there before lunch and nap time so we were on a tight deadline.

We burst through the front door and Snoop was there to greet us. Excited as usual. I gave him a quick pat before heading upstairs to change Lil' J's diaper and grab a few things. When I opened the door to my room I saw what looked like a crime scene. Snoop had gotten into the bathroom trash and had torn up everything inside it. Leaving not only gross trash, but stains everywhere.

Sure, it was our fault for not having dumped the trash, but at that moment, I wasn't in a good state of mind to think this though. I was sure I shut the door to our room but I must have forgotten to shut the bathroom door and he busted his way through to make a mess and eat nasty womanly things.

My anger was magnified by the fact that my husband wasn't home. This was his first day of work and I had no one there to ask to help. For a split second I considered leaving it there until I came back, but I didn't want him to beat me home and freak out.

I set Lil' J down and used a wash cloth to pick up all of the trash. With every handful I screamed in frustration. Lil' J whined from my screams, and I got more angry as she kept coming over trying to get me to pick her up.

Half way through my efforts I got so angry and I wanted Snoop to pay. I picked up my daughter, ran downstairs and spanked him on his butt. He knew by my energy approaching him I was not happy and sunk in the corner before I even reached him.

I kept saying "Bad Snoop" "Bad Dog" even though I know he had no idea what I was referring to. He had probably gotten into the trash more than an hour ago and had long forgotten his mischief.

I opened the back door and let him outside when I realized what I had done.

Lil' J looked at Snoop and said "bad bad" shaking her arm towards him as if she was going to spank him. 

I'm a horrible mother. I admitted.

We went back upstairs and I tried to clean up the mess as quickly as I could before we left and made sure both doors were shut tight.

In my mind, over and over I saw my daughter calling our dog bad and her shaking her hand at him. I couldn't believe she had picked up on that so quickly. I've been trying to teach her how to say please for weeks yet she learns how to reprimand our dog in seconds?

I made a vow that I will be more careful about what I say and do in front of my daughter. I don't swear, and typically I feel like I'm careful about these things but this was an eye-opening experience.
Dress: Dapple Gray Designs
I also decided Snoop needs a lot more loving than he's gotten over the past year. I'm finally able to admit I've neglected him a bit since a baby came into the picture. Every day since my bad mom moment I have played with him more, done tricks with him, or taken him for a walk. I even taught Lil' J how to brush him with our glove brush, so now when she sees it she'll take it over to Snoop and brush him.

They are just baby steps, but in the right direction. I messed up bad. I guess the important thing is learning from my mistakes, right? I'm just sorry it had to come at Snoop's expense.



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