Gender neutral family avoiding gender stereotypes... Must be nice

Boy or girl? No one knows except the baby's parents, and their two sons. This story of a genderless baby has made headlines the past few weeks across the world.

I'm sure it's not the first time a parent has decided to leave their child's gender unknown to friends and family, but for some reason this is a hot topic right now in mommyland.

One of the first things I thought when I first heard of the "gender neutral" philosophy was "these parents must have all boys." Let's be honest. You've seen me and how I dress Lil' J. There's no way I could have stuck to dressing her up in neutral clothes and skipped the dresses and bows. It's not to say I think she shouldn't wear pants or clothes in colors other than pink, but it's just my preference (not the pink, the dresses). And her room is like an explosion of pink. But what else would you expect when that's my favorite color? I've always been a girlie girl and I wanted to experience that with my daughter.

If I had had a son I wouldn't have stuck with blues and greens, but I probably wouldn't have decorated his nursery in pink frills; but I will admit, if I had had son after son and was still longing for a girl, I'd be totally cool with painting my boy's toenails and get them some dolls if that's what they wanted, and called us a gender neutral family.

I'm pretty sure that's not how it works, and that there's more thought behind this lifestyle rather than the color and style of their wardrobe and what kinds of toys they play with. So I'm trying to see where this Canadian family is coming from.

38-year-old Kathy Witterick and David Stoker have only allowed their midwives and two sons to know the gender of their third child Storm.

"The idea that the whole world must know our baby's sex strikes me as unhealthy and voyeuristic," Witterick said in a letter to ABC News.

Personally, I don't know who this lady or her kid is. I don't care if she wants to share or not nor do I care if her child has a penis or a vagina. I also HIGHLY doubt the whole world really cares, in fact, I don't think it matters. To anyone. I think people are just curious. For heaven's sakes, sue us for asking a common question about a cute baby, sheesh.

I mean really... Do they believe strangers are dying to know what their child is so they can buy the baby a frilly tutu if it's a girl and plan her future career as a homemaker? Or if it's a boy so they can say how great he'll be at sports and how manly the little-tike looks?

My guess is this mom is doing this partly to raise attention to her "gender neutral" beliefs and to show that girls and boys don't have to fall into certain gender roles yada yada yada. But deep down I truly believe there is a bigger motivation here. Motivation to do what she thinks is best for her baby. Trying to protect her baby from something she sees wrong in the world. And I can't really blame her for that. In fact, I'm a little jealous it's that easy for her.

I don't know if I witness gender stereotypes in the same light she does. I don't think boys or girls have to act a certain way. Maybe I'm missed this drama when I was in school because any stereotypes targeted toward my gender were overshadowed by a whole other issue--Racial stereotypes.

Wouldn't it have been nice for my mother to have decided before my birth that no one would know my race. So no one could judge me right off the bat for the way I looked and decide whether or not they were going to like me based on the color of my skin.

Yep. That's me.

So no one else could say I was ugly because I was different. Or that they didn't want to be my friend because I was black.

If my mom could have shielded my race from the world maybe I wouldn't have had to deal with the questions about why I "talk white." Or why I didn't listen to rap. I mean, all black people like rap right? And wear weave?

Maybe if no one knew I was black I wouldn't have been told how I was supposed to talk and supposed act because black people are suppose to talk and act the same. Every single one of us.

Wouldn't it have been nice if only she, my doctor and siblings new my identity, and I could reveal to the world, when I understood, and when I was ready to share my racial genetic make up?

But no. Its not that easy. I, like everyone else in the world had to learn through experience how tough the world can be. How crude and stupid some stereotypes are, and how you cant let them define you.

And that's ok. Because it made me who I am today...

Read the rest of my post today on MyBrownBaby.

I've Got Nothin': What I'm (Hopefully) Makin' Monday

Once again I haven't been feeling crafty enough to make anything this week, nor have I been motivated to cook. So I have nothing to report on what I've made over the past couple of weeks. But, since I've been freaking out about the fast approaching deadline for planning Lil' J's party I thought I'd make a list of things I want to make, and maybe it'll help me get organized at the same time.

I was planning her birthday party when she was a month old but stopped because it seemed so far away. Now I'm kicking myself for not just planning the whole thing right then and there. Time FLEW!

I'm thinking of changing the party venue to a place that will be free instead of the space we rented for $75. I have about a week to scope out my friend's pool and decide.

Oh, did I mention I want to do a bug-themed party? I'm thinking ladybugs, dragonflies, butterflies, those sort of things. I think a friend of mine is going to help me come up with the graphics but here's some of the general ideas I have so far to make or buy.

As for other things, here's what I have in mind to make:

A birthday banner. I like the idea of mixing and matching the patterns, and I like the flag-type of banner.

Source

Actually, in searching for a photo of that banner I found a ladybug birthday party blog post and now I'm oober intimated.

Anyone who's planning on coming to this thing, just know that I'm not THAT organized, crafty, or rich enough to pull that off with help.

I'm thinking of making either ladybug cupcakes for the party.

Source

Source

 As well as a cupcake stand.

Source

And either making or ordering a ladybug smash cake for pre-party pictures. Anyone know how they got the ladybug's antenna to stay upright like that?

Source

I'm getting good at taking photos but I'm leaving the birthday party and pre-party professional photos to Forever Bliss. So I can just sit back and enjoy it all. But before it all even gets going I'd love to capture her first taste of cake doing something like this...

Source

Then frame some of them for her birthday party.


I still need to get my invitations designed and ordered, and set a menu, plus figure out how to add the other bugs into this party. Maybe I'll do dragonfly cookies or something. Or maybe other bugs will just be on the invite.

I'm also not sure what we're getting her yet but I'm thinking it'll be a new rear-facing car seat, cause she needs one. I'm pretty sure other than that she'll be more fascinated with eating the wrapping paper.

So sorry I'm cheating on my Makin Monday post this week. I'm too tired to add my linky stuff right now but if you made something link up in the comments so I can check it out! And feel free to continue to share your party advice! I love it all!

And Happy Memorial Day!!

Sorry if there's typos, I'm writing this after being up for I don't know how long and I'm too tired to read this over a third time before bed. It was post now or never. Don't judge me.

365 Love Letters Week 19

These 365 photos are totally second nature now and the hardest part is narrowing down the photo of the day I like best. I hope you'll like what I came up with this week. A special thanks to all of you who commented with suggestions for Day 146. I adapted the suggestion from Kelly. So thanks Kelly! And everyone else! I'll be saving your suggestions to use later!

Many people have asked me to share the settings I'm using on my camera when I take each photo, and what I'm using to edit with. I'm not shy about it at all. I've started uploading this information under each photo on my facebook page if you're curious.

it's hard to choose a favorite this week but I was probably most proud of 147 because she kept taking the glasses off before I could snap the photo. I seriously have about 15 photos of her playing with my glasses. They are all super cute but my friend helped me choose that photo as the photo of the day.

Which is your favorite?

Satin hair clip from Chloe and Maude; Ballet legwarmers from Happy Crawlers

I get tired of hearing people say "I can't do..." When really they just don't want to. Which is ok, but just say you don't want to.

Dress from Polo Ralph Lauren (via Ebay); Hair bow from Loop Leigh Loop; Mommy's glasses from Claire's

Wonder why she's smiling in most of her photos? It's because I wear some kind of sunglasses. When I take them off and on she busts up laughing. I'm not sure why, probably because she can see herself in the reflection.

Playdate with a friend. She was born two days before I found out I was pregnant.

Lush Bowband from Little Star Sweeper Boutique

My attempt at being Anne Geddes-like. Not the most creative but still a cute shot.

Reverse Knot Dress from Lollibug Boutique

I'm not sure why, but she loves to hang her leg over the side of things. her car seat, the stroller, and her high chair.

Butterfly bow from Cutie Patoody

First time at the pool with the whole family. Couldn't NOT bring my camera. (Husband forbade me to post any pictures of him shirtless).

Once again, smacking her piano.

And here's my Etsy find of the week. I love unique bows. The more unique, the better. So when I found this zipper bow from Bebe Rose Designs I had to buy it! The store owner has offered to do a giveaway of one for my readers too. (She has lots of colors.) 

Everyone who comments on this post will be entered to win one. If you "befriend" Bebe Rose on Facebook leave another comment for an extra entry.

*Thanks Bebe Rose for sponsoring this giveaway!

Day 146

I took this photo today of Lil' J and her little friend. Her headband isn't straight and her eye is squished, but you can't beat a sweet candid.

I need help with a caption. Any ideas?

New Vacation Destination: He Says/ She Says

Postcards from Paris Dress from Lollibug Boutique-Use code BABYMAKINMOMMA for 15% off; Hair bows-homemade

 She says: "We should go on a European trip someday."

He says: "I'd rather go back to the Caribbean."

She says: "But we've already been there, let's try someplace new."

He says: "Nope."

What say you? Same old fun or try something new?

Simple Pleasures and Party Planning

We went on a trip to the pool today and oh my goodness Lil' J had a blast. I'd never seen her so excited to get out of my arms before. Hopefully she'll be a better swimming that me someday, I can barely swim to save my life. 

I was too scared to bring my camera in the water but I captured some other fun moments.

We had a picnic and she played on the swings again. A random little boy came up and started pushing her on the swings, which was a little weird but cute and funny at the same time.

In less that 6 weeks Lil' J turns one. ONE. It's insanely crazy. Nuts. I can't believe it! But I'm coming to terms with this bittersweet monument by planning her birthday party.

Of course this year, and the next few to come are the ones she won't remember. But I will. So it's gotta be fabulous.

Sadly, we don't have any family nearby, so it'll be our friends who celebrate with us. There are also talks of my mom and siblings coming out too, so this has the potential to be a great memory (again for me, not for her, but she'll have photos).

Since our place isn't very large, I decided to do it at a park. But since her birthday is in the heat of the summer, I decided to do it at one with water! The space is reserved and we're having it a week before her birthday, on her due date actually, since my husband and I thought many people would be out of town for the fourth.

I have never planned a baby birthday party before--Why would I? So I'm worried I'm going to forget something. I'm still not sure yet what I'm doing for food. What's good for tiny kids? I'm thinking sandwiches and fruit perhaps.

What are good for baby goodie bags? Fun and easy decoration ideas? I think the venue should provide enough entertainment but should I take anything else into account?

Alright, those are all of the questions I can think of right now!

365 Love Letters Week 18

What a week! Pigs, cheerios, swings and butterfly catching! We also has a pigeon-feeding adventure but that photo didn't make the 365 cut. I'll have to share it sometime though. She was quite facinated.

I'm adding the camera settings I used for each photo, and which Paint the Moon photoshop actions I used to edit the photos to my facebook page photos for those who have asked for that information. If you aren't shooting on manual set you may not have a clue what I'm talking about, so I'm not adding it to these. I'll try to keep up if I can remember. I've also added an extra copyright to the web version of these because believe it or not I saw these on another website! I didn't bother before because I didn't think anyone would want pictures of my home and daughter as their own but apparently I was wrong. I've written to them to take the posts down, so hopefully that'll get taken care of.

If you see any of my photos or posts taken from my blog please let me know! I've had people write and ask for pemission to use certain photos and that's fine but I don't appreciate people using them without asking.

There were a few days this week I didn't take any photos of Lil' J, but I snapped pictures while I was out or at work. I'm liking like the variety. My favorite is Day 137. We went to a park and Daddy was making her laugh in the swing. We had so much fun we're going back Monday for a picnic and swim! Which one is your fav?

Tutu from Izzy's Boutique

Reversable dress from Monkey and Friends

Dress from Carters via Grandma!

Olivia Dress from O' Baby Fashions

Just keep swimming... And spinning... And dancing

My husband gets grumpy when he doesn't go to the gym. I get grumpy when I don't have my afternoon photo shoots with Lil' J. Because capturing moments like these wash all of my worries away in that instant.

It's been a busy and difficult week, but sitting down to look these over brought a me much-needed laugh.

I'm not sure how she learned how to move like this but she has the baby ballerina thing down.

Tutu, top and bow from Izzys Boutique

I'm finishing editing my 365 love letters for the week. Hopefully this cuteness will hold you over.

Just for fun: My thoughts on photography

  If you have known me long you know I have never been able to sit still and do just one thing for long. I've worked since I was 15 and had a babysitting business even before then. And most of the time, since turning 17, graduating high school early, I've worked at least two jobs at once. So it doesn't surprise me that even now, in motherhood, I manage to put too much on my place. Some work to put food on the table, and other "work" to have fun.

Bow from Swan Lake Etc.

When I first moved to Texas I moved without my husband. I didn't know anyone, so I went out with Snoop a lot. And when we weren't out, and I wasn't at work, I was making him coordinating dog collars and leashes. It was my new-learned hobby. A creative outlet for me to try something new and share with strangers I met on the dog park.

"Cute collar!"

 "Thanks, I made it!" I felt so cool having a new talent!

Photo by Katie Harris

But soon after my husband and I moved back in together, I stopped going out, and I stopped making custom collars for my Snoop dog. Poor thing. ... More on him at a later date.

About that time I also started another hobby to get my creative juices going. This blog. I wasn't feeling fulfilled writing 90 second stories at work, so I wrote here too.

Then I got pregnant and made tutus and mobiles and leg warmers and hair bows. I can't imagine what it would be like to have time to do all of those things again. I can't as much as bust out some scissors without Lil' J squealing to play too.--Which would be bad.

So what's the next most fun thing to do when you're a mom? Besides buying things for your little one to wear, or making things for them?--Taking photos of them wearing cute things of course!

I bought my DSLR before our baby-makin' journey began. My photos started out pretty crap-tastic, but hey, they looked good to me. It was better than I was getting from my point-and-shoot, so I didn't know any better.

My weekly maternity photos started out looking like this:

Not good. I was shooting in automatic, with a flash, there were horrible shadows, yada yada yada. I thought my pictures looked better but I wasn't using my camera to the fullest of it's ability.

Right before Lil' J was born I started to shoot less in Automatic, and more in semi-auto, but using some of the manual settings too. My photos started to get a little better. They were coming out more like this:

Hospital gown from Hot Mama Gowns

Then after she was born I got a 50mm lens and they got a little better. And started to look like this:

About this time I started to learn it's not all about the camera and the gear, it's about the person behind the lens too. I get several emails or comments a week asking what camera I use, what lens I use etc. I'm not shy about the equipment I use. You can see what's in my camera bag. And I ask other photographers what lens or camera they use when I notice a specific look I like. Now people say "It's not the camera it's the photographer." And I kind of believe this and I kind of don't. Here's my theory...

If you buy a new camera thinking your photos are going to look just like mine, or someone elses who has a certain camera, you may be surprised to find that your photos don't look like theirs. You may not. You may be happy with how yours turn out. But it takes practice to get better. An expensive camera doesn't automatically = good photos. That said, I do think once you've mastered certain things upgrades are warranted.

If it were all about the photographer and none about the camera, the pros wouldn't be using bigger, nicer cameras, they'd be using the bottom of the line DSLR's and wouldn't have any need to upgrade. Of course, if a pro used my camera they'd be able to take a much better shot of than I would under the same conditions. I'm not going to discredit myself and say my photos come out well because of my gear, I'll admit I have learned some skill, but I am taking much better photos now thanks to getting a DSLR camera and some nice lenses to compliment it (lenses more so than the body make a bigger difference for photo outcomes).

The biggest help has been learning to shoot in manual. Learning about ISOs, depth of field, my f-stops, and focal lengths, learning about those things, reading manuals, and other tips online has helped me improve A LOT.

And I'm saying all of this to say I have a new hobby, and it's photography. Mostly just pictures of Lil' J, but it's fun photographing other people and things too. I took these pictures for a friend. This mom wanted photos with her son so they can look back and see that she was with him (as moms we are usually snapping the photos, not in them all of the time). It was so strange seeing new faces pop up on my camera screen. And it was fun feeling like I was helping someone else get nice photos they otherwise may not be able to get.

I don't have a desire to start a photography business. For one, everyone else already has one, and two, I don't want to end up on yourarenotaphoographer.com. Actually, I check out that site from time to time to get a good laugh, but I don't think I'm that bad, but I'm also not a pro.

I do think I've gotten a lot better though, and I'm using my bit of talent to help Lil' J get discovered by some major baby commercial company. I'm hoping someday Baby Gap, or Old Navy to give us a call (wink wink), so she can model for them and save for her college fund. More on my stage-mom crazies later (I'm kind of kidding, so don't freak out!). But for now, until she makes it to the big times, I'm her photographer, agent, and manager, and she's doing some Etsy and boutique modeling here and there. (By the way if you're interested in getting your baby involved in this too, click Model Source ad in my sidebar and tell them I sent you! Or ask a question in the comments and I'd be happy to reply!)

It's so fun taking her out to different spots and trying a new theme for a photo shoots. Like this one, a boutique asked for photos on a farm:

Ruffle butt onesie from Birthday Couture

 Or this one asking for photos on the University of Texas campus.

Tutu and bow from For Your Princess Designs

And we have some other fun ones coming up. I want to get better. I want to get so much better, and take photos of pretty food, and places, and things, and other people besides my baby--But I'm taking baby steps. For now I'm self-taught, but I'd love to take a class, and continue to see how I grow.

I'm busy doing two million things every day, and sometimes it's hard to keep up with all of my responsibilities. But when I get home and pick up my camera to capture my daughter's laugh, or milestone, it just doesn't feel like work.

It's a good feeling doing something just for fun.

Quints by Surprise: He Says/ She Says

She says: "What if we had quints by surprise?"

He says: "We'd keep one."

She says: "We'd give four away?"

He says: "Yep."

Don't worry, I don't think he's serious. TLC is a great source for debate!

Living Room Photo Studio: What I'm Makin Monday

I'm the only person I know with an indoor photo studio solely for the purpose of photographing my child. Maybe I'm a little nuts, but I call it a hobby. And it keeps me out of trouble. ...Sorta.

Since the beginning of this year I've been trying all sorts of experimenting with photography, mostly because of my 365 project. A couple nights a week I get home when it's real late so if I've forgotten to take a photo earlier then I'm forced to take one at home. There wasn't a lot of space in my house, or many photogenic places to take pictures. I debated getting a speedlight to use outdoors, but decided that's not what I really need, and my money could be better spent on a studio. I had seen a post on Paint the Moon's blog about her indoor photo studio and it got me thinking... Maybe I could do that, but cheaper.

First I rearranged my living room. I moved my wrap-around couch that was in the middle of the room so that it backed up against the far wall. This opened up about 13 or so feet back for me to shoot. So now I had the room, I just needed the equipment. I was determined to do this as affordable as possible. Initially I wanted to make my own background stand with PVC pipe, but the work involved in getting it, and cutting it, I could make it for $20 or so, but all of the work involved wasn't worth the $30 savings to me. So I looked into buying a stand. I could get one for about $40 with no backdrops, or I could get one with backdrops and lights and the stand for $140 plus free shipping on Amazon. I decided I'd need a backdrop and each one would cost me $20 separately so it would be $80 for the stand, and two backdrops. Why not just splurge and get the whole thing for $60 more?

It seemed logical to me so I bought it.

While I finished rearranging my living room while i waited for it to arrive. My husband was just thrilled I was cleaning and getting rid of stuff, he didn't care that I was turning the living room into a studio.

Before it arrived I searched for a fake-wood floor. Everything I found online was super expensive for something that was like 5x6 feet. Things that look like giant mouse pads sell for about $75+ and I wanted something less. I searched on craigslist for laminate flooring, but couldn't find what I was looking for. I went to Home Depot and a flooring guy helped me, but sensed my disappointment when I couldn't find anything under $40. He asked me what I needed the flooring for and gave me a strange look when I told him it was for taking pictures of my daughter. I showed him a photo example of what I was doing.

"Couldn't you just take her outside, put her in a patch of flowers and take pictures there?"

Yes, but that won't work at 10 o' clock at night or on rainy days. Men. They just don't get it. I thought.

I went to the trim section of Home Depot and got an 8 foot long, thick, pretty floor trim and some clamps to hold everything together. The clamps were $1 each, and I got 5 of them.

The next day I went to another Home Depot and found a 6x8 roll up vinyl floor for $21! I was stoked! This was perfect and the best deal I had found ANYWHERE. The best part is it rolls up, so it's easy to stow away when I'm not using it... My husband's only requirement with all of this stuff.

Some friends of ours came over after the rest of the studio arrived so I got to practice with her and her baby, and of course Lil' J.

It took me a little while to get used to the lights, and I'm still learning but I'm getting better every day.

I have a bunch of old fabric around that I decided to keep to use as backdrops, but the annoying thing is keeping them ironed, and ironing that much fabric is a pain. I can edit out wrinkles in photoshop, but that's a pain too. Then a twitter friend gave me a tip about fleece fabric... No wrinkles! And if there is a crease, its' easy to pull it straight with the clamps.

I printed some 40% off coupons and headed to Hancock Fabrics and Hobby Lobby to get some fleece. So far I just got purple, pink and grey but I'm keeping my eye out for more sales so I can get some more fabric. I get 2 yards of each, which are about 60in wide, and it's more than enough for a backdrop for Lil' J, and others if they're shorter or sitting. But who are we kidding--Lil' J is my only subject right now. I got each piece of fabric for under $10...Also a great deal. I may eventually invest in some seamless backdrop paper, which is essentially what you're suppose to use for things like this, but for now, I was looking for something affordable that works.

Overall I'm happy with what I've managed to pull together. It makes for better nighttime or rainy day photos, and it makes for less mess-house photos (I hope). It also makes it look like I have painted walls, which I don't so that's kind of cool. Anyway, this was all under $200, which I think is a rockin deal. The great thing is everything rolls/folds up into its own little corner and now Lil' J has a bigger area to play during the day. So it's a double bonus.

I have no desire to start a photography business at this point in time. I think there's enough of those out there right now, and a lot of not so good ones. I'd like to know I'm REALLY GOOD before I start charging. Plus, it's fun knowing I'm doing this for my family and myself. I worry if I tried to do it more professionally the work would take the fun out of it, and I'm having a blast. More on these thoughts later.

So what do you think of my set up? Not bad, eh?

Anyway, I just threw this post together for my Makin' Monday, sorry it's late. Please excuse my typos as I comb my way back through this. Did you make anything this week? Food? Craft? Anything? Leave a link to your post in the comments!