I'm Pretty Sure No One Thinks About Labor the Way I Do

Friday I'll hit the mark where I can safely go into labor at any time. I have a feeling Lil' J will be stylishly early. Not by much, but maybe a little. She's feeling cramped in there to me, and today she was making my stomach look like a scene from Alien. So much so I had to use Dr. Google to see if all of her squirming could break my water. ... Doubtful.

I don't picture labor like it is in the movies, but I also have some unusual preferences about the big day. Some things on my mind:

1. I'm bringing treats for the staff. Call it bribery, call me a teacher's pet, or whatever you want, but I've bought a pretty basket I'm loading some goodies in, and adding my Birth and After Wishes to it on nice pretty card stock paper. I'm thinking cookies and/or muffins, and I don't know what else... Still working on all of the contents. Who knows, maybe they'll slip me an extra diaper or two when we're leaving.

2. Speaking of my Birth and After Wishes, I finished it! Talked it over with my OB, and we're on the same page. I narrowed things down and squeezed it all on one page (the after part is on another separate page)! It's umm... Pretty. Yes, I'm sure it's the prettiest list of birth preferences they've ever seen.3. We're gonna be jammin. I have 4 playlists... About 10 hours of music and more created for the occasion: Relaxation/ churchy (no words, mostly instruments except for a few exceptions); Upbeat (quite a bit of gangsta rap-- Quite the churchy contrast); Rock/Pop (slower stuff but not as slow as the first); and Meeting Baby (songs like "Isn't She Lovely" to greet her).

I also have a playlist with birthing affirmations and hypnosis tracks. I have yet to listen to them all without falling asleep, and I've tried so hard... I hope I have the same problem during the process.

We have an ipod speaker system, one portable (although my husband thinks we may look strange walking the halls with a sort of "boom box" approach) and one that connects to the wall. I also need to get new headphones cause mine aren't loud enough and I hate the kind that are suppose to stick INSIDE my ears... My ear holes are too small for those things.

4. I'm going to be looking FLY. I care about these things. And next to my freaking wedding day this is the 2nd biggest day of my life. I've already got my own gowns I'm bringing, and I'm planning to do my hair and makeup before we leave. I'll also have manicure/pedicure and hair straightening appointments set up before the big day (maybe sometime in the next 2 weeks?). My nails in their current state, could be used as weapons and I should probably get them cut down to save my husband some blood loss, and so I don't accidentally scratch my little one. A french manicure will make the pain of loosing them less dramatic.
I'm still undecided about a Brazilian wax. I want to do it cause I hear after you have a baby it's pretty messy down there for awhile and it'll just be nice to feel "fresh." Plus, it doesn't itch or anything when it grows back, it's not like shaving, and it last a long time. The down side though is of course is oh, just the PAIN!! So we'll see. If I make it my due date I may go do it in an attempt to start labor.

Fake eyelashes are on my "list of things to buy" before the big day.

5. I'm bringing a buffet. Nothing too crazy, but hospital peeps and my OB said I can eat... Not that I'll want a 9oz sirloin, but I figured I'll bring some snacks just in case. So far we have apple sauce, I'm gonna make some pasta right before we leave for the hospital, and some hard-boiled eggs. I'll also pack some trail mix and string cheese. I'm hoping that'll give me some energy boost but also not make me want to puke. I've also packed some water, Be Nice Prenatal drink mix, and juice! I have Popsicles too but I think I'll just raid the hospitals if I determine a cooler won't keep them frozen.

6. Class project anyone? I'm working on creating a poster board as a reminder with labor "cues" for my husband to use, and visuals of different labor positions we can try. I'll fold it up and pack it for the trip!

7. In my Lamaze class we talked about pain tolerance, I decided I'm somewhere between a -3 and a 3. A tip it suggest for us is having a "code word" to getting me the epidural. That way when I say "I want it" he knows I don't REALLY mean it, but when I say the code word, he knows I mean it. Something like "Sponge Bob" would be too easy for me. We need something more drastic. I'm thinking the code word should be F!#%. I'm not sure I've ever said that word out loud and my husband's never heard me swear. I'm pretty sure he'd know I'm serious. Even though I've heard swear words can be typical for a woman birthing a baby... I don't imagine that'll be the case for me, hence the word choice. If I don't say it... Well, I must not want it that bad.

8. Do I want a mirror? I think not. They'll offer me one when I'm pushing I'm sure. I use to think I'd not only want to see, but I'd want it on tape! I've been obsessed with birth for a long time and I thought "why not see mine when I've watched so many others? But now I want nothing of that sort. In fact, the thought of watching her come out of me in a mirror makes me want to vomit. I know it's beautiful but I don't want to see it. And I don't want my husband to watch. We've seen enough, I'll be ok seeing her little head once it's out of me, complete with the rest of her body.

9. A friend asked me if I'd want to hold her when she's all covered in utro-sludge... I say yes. I don't mind. My OB said she doesn't do any mouth-suctioning stuff when she pulls her out, and that she'll give her straight to me. Then hubs can cut the cord... And we can hold out sludge-covered baby, that's ok.

So there they are, my random thoughts about the big day.